On November 10, 2011 David took his last breath on earth and went to be with our Lord and Savior. i know that he is in a better place now, and he must be missing me just as much as i miss him. he was my best friend and love of my life.
when i married my husband i thought it meant forever, but little did i know that my forever with him would only be a little over a year. we never got that happily ever after.
we will never get the chance to have kids, or grand kids.
we will never get to hold each other again.
we will never get to kiss each other goodnight and good morning ever again.
i'll never feel the comfort and safety of his arms again when they hold me when my world is falling down.
i'll go to bed alone, and wake up alone.
i'll never get to feel him push my hair out of my face and tuck it behind my ear and kiss my forehead when i cry.
i'll never get to hear him say everything would be okay, and that life was going to get better.
i'll never have him there to wipe my tears.
sometimes i look and hope that he'll walk around the corner of the hallway, or that when i wake up all of this was just a bad dream and he's laying next to me.
i would give anything to hear his voice again. to hear him say that he loved me with all his heart. to feel his touch.
i would give anything to see him walking proud in his ACU's, and be the soldier that he loved being.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
After All...
someday, we'll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. we will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. after all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and love all over again.
TRAGEDY.
a word that either brings people together or tears them apart.
Monday, July 18,2011, tragedy struck, my husband tried taking his life by putting a gun to his head, and pulling the trigger forever changing the course of our lives forever.
Let me explain to you what i have been through the past few months.
On July 18, 2011 my husband went to work like any other day, he was a United States Army Soldier. He came home that day at 5:30pm. He told me he went to sports authority and bought a score book and a watch. When he got home that night he was confused, he asked me weird questions like if he had gone to work that day and what time it was. he asked me that on numerous occasions. after he had removed his uniform he told me he was tired and wanted to take a nap. so he laid down in bed and i told him i was going to go to the store.
i called my best friend and explained the symptoms to her and she thought he may have been dehydrated or had heat exhaustion. i was gone for about an hour to the store. i came home, and let david know i was home. i asked him if he was feeling any better. he replied that he felt hot and that his head hurt. i explained to him that i had spoken with my friend and he may be dehydrated or had heat exhaustion and that he may need to drink some water because of the previous weekend we had spent out in the sun all day and he didn't really drink any water. i asked him if he needed to go to the hospital. i asked him that numerous times, he refused.
my husband has a history of PTSD and his work situation was HORRIBLE. My husband was an exemplary soldier, but he was constantly harassed by certain NCO's and was told that he was over using the open door policy by another individual. My husband sought help for his work situation many times, but nobody chose to step up and help my husband. these certain individuals caused my husband anxiety so bad, that he had to go on anxiety meds, to help him through his day, he was so emotionally distraught and torn down by these people, every morning my husband threw up from anxiety. he lost weight. he was spiraling down in a depression. when you are constantly told that you are a piece of shit, and that you didn’t deserve to have all the awards that you were given and that you are nothing. It really takes a toll on someone.
There were a few incidents of certain said NCO’s that were very unprofessional and certain acts they did were un necessary. One time I walked into my husband’s office, now my husband was an E-6 staff sergeant. I walked into the office and his rank had been taken off. I wanted to know what happened and why his uniform was missing his rank. I was later told that his station commander had physically removed my husband’s rank and told him that he didn’t deserve his rank and that if he’s going to “act like a private that his rank should reflect that.” My husband tried his best to suffice this guy and try to stay out from under his radar but he would find anything and everything thing to terrorize my husband about.
i DO blame certain people in the army and i wish they were the ones in this situation because my husband did NOT deserve to be this way because of some stupid individuals that thought they had the power to tear a human being down so far and push them to this point and I HOPE THEY LIVE WITH THIS GUILT FOREVER. You better hope I don’t ever see you again, because there will be hell to pay.
Congratulations assholes you fucked his life up so much that you made him do this.
I do fully believe that his work situation played a huge toll in this tragedy. The army was everything to David, and he dedicated his life to it, and in the end he lost.
Decisions to make someone feel this bad are made by people who feel like crap themselves.
Another incident, on September 28th, 2011 the most selfish act that a person could ever do besides suicide, is taking away a loved one, especially one that is married. My father in law, because he thinks has all the control in the world did not want me to see my husband. he is tried his damnedest to withhold my rights as a wife to a UNITED STATES SOLDIER to see my husband. my husband has a traumatic brain injury, he needs my support now more than ever.
I have been there since day one for my husband. i got to hear his first words, his first steps, i saw him through his numerous surgeries, i see him every chance i get. my father in law is trying to be a super dad and he told me he would do anything to remove me from david's life by any means necessary.
my husband was an avid youtube watcher. i remember his favorite youtube clips, his favorite songs, things. to make him happy. id bring in his favorite movies to let him watch, we play video games on my computer or my ipad to keep him entertained. i talked to him, told him about my day and hopes for our future, i tell him everytime i see him, how much i love him and how much i want him to succeed to get better. i tell him everything will be okay, and that we will get through this and that i will be there for him every step of the way cheering him on. because i believe he will beat this, he may not be the same person that i married, but he is still my husband and we got a few more months to spend together.
nobody knows what i am going through and don't pretend like you do. because everybody seems to think that their 2 cents is what's best, but guess what its fucking not. i was there when it first happened, i helped save his life, i was there when he took his first steps since this happened, i was there when he said his first words. so don't tell me what to do. i know what is best for my husband, so everybody needs to stop telling me how to take care of my husband until they have been put in the same position that i am. if you are not going to be supportive of me, than i don't see the need to be friends with those people, i need people who will support my husband and i and not keep constantly attacking me because if he could speak you know he would not be friends with you for doing the shit you are doing.i have had enough of ridicule from people who i thought were my "friends". i don't appreciate you treating me the way you do. i love my husband with all my heart and would lay down my life for him. he is my best friend and the love of my life and if you can't respect that then we are no longer friends. true friends arise out of tragedy and we become closer, and all i can see is that the people who i thought were friends become enemies.
Now im dealing with the hardest thing of all, the Sunday night oct. 30th, my husband was re admitted to st als icu due to a fever and seizures he was having, he developed a really bad infection that ended up spreading to the rest of his body, on Sunday, Nov. 6th, 2011 at 6am my husband was taken off life support. He was able to breathe on his own without the ventilator, but now we are waiting for him to be at peace. As of yesterday they stopped all antibiotics and the only things he is getting is a little iv fluid and some pain meds. Im hoping he doesn’t have to go through this much longer. He lived a full life, and although it wasn’t long enough for us to be together I’m glad I had the honor of being his wife and the love of his life. Although we aren’t going to physically together anymore, I know that he’ll watch over me for the rest of my life. Hopefully someday I’ll meet a man who is just amazing as my husband was. I know that the next man I marry, if I marry has some BIG shoes to fill. David was an amazing person. He was my best friend, and the love of my life, and I will miss him dearly. I don’t regret the past 2 ½ years of my life that I spent with him, because that was the best 2 ½ years I have ever had with anyone. He was the most generous, caring, compassionate, loving person that I have ever met.
TRAGEDY.
a word that either brings people together or tears them apart.
Monday, July 18,2011, tragedy struck, my husband tried taking his life by putting a gun to his head, and pulling the trigger forever changing the course of our lives forever.
Let me explain to you what i have been through the past few months.
On July 18, 2011 my husband went to work like any other day, he was a United States Army Soldier. He came home that day at 5:30pm. He told me he went to sports authority and bought a score book and a watch. When he got home that night he was confused, he asked me weird questions like if he had gone to work that day and what time it was. he asked me that on numerous occasions. after he had removed his uniform he told me he was tired and wanted to take a nap. so he laid down in bed and i told him i was going to go to the store.
i called my best friend and explained the symptoms to her and she thought he may have been dehydrated or had heat exhaustion. i was gone for about an hour to the store. i came home, and let david know i was home. i asked him if he was feeling any better. he replied that he felt hot and that his head hurt. i explained to him that i had spoken with my friend and he may be dehydrated or had heat exhaustion and that he may need to drink some water because of the previous weekend we had spent out in the sun all day and he didn't really drink any water. i asked him if he needed to go to the hospital. i asked him that numerous times, he refused.
my husband has a history of PTSD and his work situation was HORRIBLE. My husband was an exemplary soldier, but he was constantly harassed by certain NCO's and was told that he was over using the open door policy by another individual. My husband sought help for his work situation many times, but nobody chose to step up and help my husband. these certain individuals caused my husband anxiety so bad, that he had to go on anxiety meds, to help him through his day, he was so emotionally distraught and torn down by these people, every morning my husband threw up from anxiety. he lost weight. he was spiraling down in a depression. when you are constantly told that you are a piece of shit, and that you didn’t deserve to have all the awards that you were given and that you are nothing. It really takes a toll on someone.
There were a few incidents of certain said NCO’s that were very unprofessional and certain acts they did were un necessary. One time I walked into my husband’s office, now my husband was an E-6 staff sergeant. I walked into the office and his rank had been taken off. I wanted to know what happened and why his uniform was missing his rank. I was later told that his station commander had physically removed my husband’s rank and told him that he didn’t deserve his rank and that if he’s going to “act like a private that his rank should reflect that.” My husband tried his best to suffice this guy and try to stay out from under his radar but he would find anything and everything thing to terrorize my husband about.
i DO blame certain people in the army and i wish they were the ones in this situation because my husband did NOT deserve to be this way because of some stupid individuals that thought they had the power to tear a human being down so far and push them to this point and I HOPE THEY LIVE WITH THIS GUILT FOREVER. You better hope I don’t ever see you again, because there will be hell to pay.
Congratulations assholes you fucked his life up so much that you made him do this.
I do fully believe that his work situation played a huge toll in this tragedy. The army was everything to David, and he dedicated his life to it, and in the end he lost.
Decisions to make someone feel this bad are made by people who feel like crap themselves.
Another incident, on September 28th, 2011 the most selfish act that a person could ever do besides suicide, is taking away a loved one, especially one that is married. My father in law, because he thinks has all the control in the world did not want me to see my husband. he is tried his damnedest to withhold my rights as a wife to a UNITED STATES SOLDIER to see my husband. my husband has a traumatic brain injury, he needs my support now more than ever.
I have been there since day one for my husband. i got to hear his first words, his first steps, i saw him through his numerous surgeries, i see him every chance i get. my father in law is trying to be a super dad and he told me he would do anything to remove me from david's life by any means necessary.
my husband was an avid youtube watcher. i remember his favorite youtube clips, his favorite songs, things. to make him happy. id bring in his favorite movies to let him watch, we play video games on my computer or my ipad to keep him entertained. i talked to him, told him about my day and hopes for our future, i tell him everytime i see him, how much i love him and how much i want him to succeed to get better. i tell him everything will be okay, and that we will get through this and that i will be there for him every step of the way cheering him on. because i believe he will beat this, he may not be the same person that i married, but he is still my husband and we got a few more months to spend together.
nobody knows what i am going through and don't pretend like you do. because everybody seems to think that their 2 cents is what's best, but guess what its fucking not. i was there when it first happened, i helped save his life, i was there when he took his first steps since this happened, i was there when he said his first words. so don't tell me what to do. i know what is best for my husband, so everybody needs to stop telling me how to take care of my husband until they have been put in the same position that i am. if you are not going to be supportive of me, than i don't see the need to be friends with those people, i need people who will support my husband and i and not keep constantly attacking me because if he could speak you know he would not be friends with you for doing the shit you are doing.i have had enough of ridicule from people who i thought were my "friends". i don't appreciate you treating me the way you do. i love my husband with all my heart and would lay down my life for him. he is my best friend and the love of my life and if you can't respect that then we are no longer friends. true friends arise out of tragedy and we become closer, and all i can see is that the people who i thought were friends become enemies.
Now im dealing with the hardest thing of all, the Sunday night oct. 30th, my husband was re admitted to st als icu due to a fever and seizures he was having, he developed a really bad infection that ended up spreading to the rest of his body, on Sunday, Nov. 6th, 2011 at 6am my husband was taken off life support. He was able to breathe on his own without the ventilator, but now we are waiting for him to be at peace. As of yesterday they stopped all antibiotics and the only things he is getting is a little iv fluid and some pain meds. Im hoping he doesn’t have to go through this much longer. He lived a full life, and although it wasn’t long enough for us to be together I’m glad I had the honor of being his wife and the love of his life. Although we aren’t going to physically together anymore, I know that he’ll watch over me for the rest of my life. Hopefully someday I’ll meet a man who is just amazing as my husband was. I know that the next man I marry, if I marry has some BIG shoes to fill. David was an amazing person. He was my best friend, and the love of my life, and I will miss him dearly. I don’t regret the past 2 ½ years of my life that I spent with him, because that was the best 2 ½ years I have ever had with anyone. He was the most generous, caring, compassionate, loving person that I have ever met.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
